porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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