I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
