So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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