we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
