Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
