you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
