so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
