thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
