so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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