My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
