At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My cat gives me a boner
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
