he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
