I hate all girls vehemently.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
