I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
