Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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