yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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