hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize