i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I look better un-naked...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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