mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
