I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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