after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
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This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
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A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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