i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
