Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
