this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
is wine microwaveable?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
