i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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