His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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