just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
