yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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