so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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