I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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