You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
