just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think I am morally bankrupt
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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