I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
