Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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