eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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