The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
