Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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