When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize