he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.