My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.