I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
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I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped