Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets