I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
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