PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
