Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
