I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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