what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
