I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
