thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My feet surprised me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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