i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
