there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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