I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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