she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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