On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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