Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
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Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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