If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
