you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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