some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
