I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
