I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
