Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
