OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
