Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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