i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
