i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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