ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
