Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
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I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
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You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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