then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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