I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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