Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
