i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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