my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
