I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
