Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
