but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
