Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
