By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
