I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
