They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
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She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
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Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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