This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
