just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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