Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
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My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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