I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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