My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Randomize