FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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